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cindyhedelin

mystory | don't stop until you proud.

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November 2016

Love at the first sight… Conclusion, Delusion?

After that long weekend, I thought of it myself. I think I’m too overact.

Maybe I was in the jungle for a while and I only sees familiar faces around me like family and colleague. Maybe it’s once in a while I see someone by-the-face-that-is-my-type. Maybe I was have some sort of delusion? lol, maybe yeah.

But for right now I have recovered (lol, this wasn’t even a sickness) from that. Now I see that simply as a kid-love-thing. Like you know, when a kid want something so badly but when she still can’t, in the end she will just let it go and find another amusing thing that will makes her excited.

Why did I write the story? May be because I don’t have the braveness to tell my fam or friends directly about it? I’m quite timid, you see. In the end, my friends read the story on my first post and she even post in on our group chat. I was shocked at first as usually there is no traffic on my page and no one even bother to. #thisissosad or maybe, because I want the attention? lol. Everyone is attention seeker actually. It’s just how he/she takes it to the level. We all love to be complimented and it gives good feeling, rewarded feeling, or some sort of it.

This is really the end. Gonna post again when I want it. :p

 

29.11.16 ‘s Short Escape

This morning, I wasn’t have a good one. It’s actually a simple task that I forget to do and if I actually want to push it through, I can. I suppose to call someone down as the guest have came, but I forget because I was having quite a good convo with them, till the boss come and wonder why the other person haven’t came down. Actually that person used to say that let them be before the boss came and I can use that as an excuse.

Actually I was kinda angry and upset. I want to use that excuse card but I know that that is so wrong and it’s just my fault to forget. This might seems childish, but I learnt from it anyway. I was saddened more by the wordings but later covered up by my cute varies of friend. and a video I watch on Facebook today (it was Australian Program where the contestant will stand in a podium and make a fastest guest, their answers are hilarious).

Then, I ask my friend whether she is free today and she is! I actually want to found a good sandals/shoes at malls and we do the hang out. I actually have been dieting for 2 weeks and now is my third weeks and I was tempted by the dinner offer (in Indonesia, unless they said they gonna treat you food, they usually always mean to pay separate bills) and I do it (I have cheat quite a lot these days, omg). We have the not-quite-infamous-hot-and-cheesy-kfc-chicken and I felt like “I should have had the normal one”.

Anyway, after the dinner, we look for the shoes in Matahari, tried some, the size were not fit enough although never ask for the correct size, mainly 399k idr, very expensive for not-quite-well-known-brand-in-my-opinion, so for now is “pass”. Went to cotton on, nothing much of choice (of sandals/shoes I want). Intended to go to Charles & Keith, no person at all (potential customer I mean), get intimidated and not even come in. We then goes to Zara. What I told her was, welcome to a place of inspiration. She’s ignored me and then she found a noble-looking-jacket there and she tried it on, she looks totally different. The price was 1.399.000 idr. I’d say, that is very expensive. I tried some clothes, it does looks good, but I don’t think I have the freedom to purchase any of that for now. I need to save money for future investment.

After we go out and about to head home, she still can’t get over it (it’s cute). She is one of my best friend and when I’m with her, I can totally be myself. I can let myself out. Of course that doesn’t mean I’m being fake to all other people, I was just being polite. That’s conclude my day and my first online diary, I’ll try to keep it up, especially for a day with some kind of special occasion.

It’s late already, good night.

Love at the first sight… Here it comes, will that be the end, or will that becomes a beginning?

Chapter Six,

So here is the last chapter of the small story.

He went back home (?) by that Friday and I wonder about the Saturday. I come again, knowing it was the last chance (as one of my best friend have her birthday party by Sunday, I won’t be there) to give the notes to him. Actually it have been crumpled so I write on new one.

I come there, excitedly and nervous too. It was the earliest time I have come to the bazaar (lol). I waited, serve the customer, etc. waited again, have dinner, serve the customer. Until I thought, it was already around 7.30 or 8.30 (I really forget), but the sky has become dark already and I thought that he might not appear as he have come the day before. Small thought like “this weren’t even his home so why he have to come everyday?” makes me felt somewhat warm as it shows how stupid I can be. As I was disheartened, I look at the back side of the stall and I see him passing me just like that. He’s come ! with his friends walking to the stage direction. I was excited thinking he will stay late as he have done before. My worries felt lighter and heavier at the same time, it was lighter because he has come and heavier as how should I send the note.

Wait for the right time to have a break from the stall, it’s kinda late already. I see a group of boys were talking together and I thought he was there. BUT, it turns out he’s not there. Who knows maybe that group of boys also not his group of friends. It’s around 9.15-30 already and I was devastated. Checking multiple times like a pathetic person hoping he was on a short walk and then come back.

Well, that’s actually the end. I still remember he’s wearing white shirt that day. #wtfrukiddingme and tadaa, see you when the fate let me see you~

er, actually I have pushing it a bit. On Sunday, my friend and I was having a dinner and I ask her whether she want to go to the bazaar or not just to walk around, but she didn’t want to (of course she don’t know this story) and we go to an empty-quite-creepy-mall that day.

Love at the first sight.. The last Friday.

I have not been able to post recently. I’d be lying if I said that I don’t have a free time, I’m just a little not motivated to tell this story anymore as I know the end already.

Chapter Five.

After that Thursday, it comes Friday (of course). I did think I see  him for maybe five minutes (?), idk. for sure it wasn’t a long one. I wonder why he goes here often. Of course people have their own reason (like my family whom was addicted to Timezone and we go there every single day for 4 years-or-more straight spending more money than the price we got. Of course satisfaction part wasn’t calculated, it can’t! We are all so happy!) and reasons might be different from one to another.

He comes with his family again that day. It’s not too far, but it seems like I realize that he’s there quite late. I was busy serving customer, the sales were quite good that day. After a short time they went back home. I was thinking about this and that. I know it will be very hard to met him again (only the fate knows) and I was thinking to give me my contact and he can contact me if he is interested. Like an old cowboy movie in Texas or those areas in USA. I don’t really talk to my friends about things, I do think I’m too far from that social-society things and I don’t quite know how to start with chit-chat. I’m the type that see my goals and say things directly (or a very very short small talk before goes direct), so I usually say what I need to say, talk to my friends when I need them. I’ll do blog about myself  and perhaps you can understand me more. Back to the topic and thus, I have written it in a small note. Figuring out how to give it to him. When I realize, he is ready to back home.

Time to back up.

Love at the first sight.. the sigh.

Chapter Four

I was kind of doubtful today. It was Thursday and I usually goes to Gym because they have Body Combat class I usually join in but it was also the extended week of the bazaar event (luckily it was extended due to heavy rain in the first week of the event). I was heavily contemplating with my self. I suppose to go to my hometown the next week, so I will also not able to join the class. Beside that, I haven’t been able to work out lately as I takes care of the food stall and have been eating quite a meal since my main job got me stressed badly.

I was contemplating till the last second when I ask mum whether it is okay to go to gym, she is hesitating a bit, since everyone also busy and it’s the day my sis got her only holiday from her 6-day-a-week-job, I can’t ask her to helped out. I decided to help out the food stall. Of course in hope I can see him again too.

I went and help out my cousin. Look around here and there. I tried to give delivery services to the customer who ordered so I can walk around #ithinkiamabitcreepy but in the end he didn’t come. It’s bit disappointing but who can know this kind of thing, isn’t it? Maybe Fate said “not now, dear”.

Love at the first sight.. excite.

Chapter three

… OH ! I think I forget to mention that he sit in front of my food stand on the first day with his few friends, I think it’s five or six of them together…

cont. from Chapter Two – He sat quite long last time he come with his family, having a good dinner and come back. Best thing about that day was that he comes to buy drinks sold by my next-door-neighbor-shop so I get to see him more closely. I think he did catch a glance at me and so do I, it was exciting. I never know a simple glimpse leaves mark in your mind.

I kept looking at that table, where he and his family having their dinner together. As I takes care of the food stall with my cousin and a sister I know, I tried not to make it too obvious.

The time flies fast, and they are ready to go back. I just look at it from afar.

By the time I went back home, strangely I forget how all of them looked like. Usually a person face could stuck on my mind for long, especially if they have some unique feature, or some sort of story I know. Roughly remember the guy’s face, but not very certain of it. Wasn’t it strange? I feel strange too. Wish I was Doctor Strange, whom have a very strong visual memory.

Thanks Social Media ! Thanks Facebook !

I was having a really bad day yesterday and today. My body doesn’t feel good, it feels heavy, cold and anxious and I was just seen my Mom posted her holiday on Facebook.

I used to think it’s quite bad for her to be on facebook by night time because she will look at her phone in the dark and she don’t have a good vision already. She isn’t actually a social type, she used to use her smartphone just to call, message only.

As my bad days kept rolling like a snowball, I was kindof bored and look at my phone notification. I see my cousin have birthday today and I congratulated her for that. When I click back to the timeline, I saw my Mum’s post of her holiday to Bali. I am not there, but it’s so cute and lovely  of her to enjoy the holiday after having a month of non-stop cooking-dish washing-ingredients shopping for an event we join in that makes me thought “I’m so glad we have social media here, I’m so glad we have facebook!”

That may sound cliche but it is what I really thought by then.

Anyway, I wish I could cheer up myself and escape from this bad-feeling-snowball

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