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cindyhedelin

mystory | don't stop until you proud.

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cindyhedelin

let's just be honest, lies are tiring

28.04.2018

Morning, went to work wearing hat, makes my hair more “no no” if i take it off.

Do work, have a meeting, back to work, done. Yesterday boss is talking about not worrying if someone act like important to the company, i guess he is talking about me when we fought few times back, my attitude is so bad i would be mad if i were him, but i didnt start it in bad way, he didnt want to listen and only blame. Then i cried and act all mighty and like if iam not in the company, you will struggle that kind of feel, guess he felt it now. That makes me want to look for job more. I will try to apply for some tomorrow. I dont care anymore hope i can move to all the better!

Then went to gym, combat by eva, right shoulder pain, damn.. dance, left shoulder pain, damn again. Got chocolate from ce rach, her souvenir back from germany. She talk a few about her relationship n i could totally understand. Wait for shendy and look for her, she said she is watching abengers, abt 3 hours later, she is at aw-_- went to eat with her friend. At first id be like wew, i play some games n back home. Not long after, found out bro n his wife is coming back to home, i asked why, he said nothing. I was determined to take the bed room today while i wad going to move. But that happen and i decide to let go, well at least for now. No bedroom, no table, no nothing.

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18.04.2018

Work, kinda doozing off but bot really. But it felt like idk what to do first. Clueless.

Went home, eat papin duck, tasty, small duck size. I should stop eating dinner like this. Heavy one.

Went to dance club, and the freestyle day that i really dont like as i cant be myself. Im too aware of others but resulting not good. Im even timider than the one i’d say not even good. But they got courage and self-believe(?) PD. Was choosen by Rendy n Brian if I remember it right. Those whom went for the challenge are really awesome!! Can’t wait for the video to come out. More interaction with them today. More than I expected.

Went home, talk somethings with PPG which ends up in a wrong way. 😂 lol. Got questioned and yeah. Whatev, no need to hide. A good day, a good night.

29.03.2018

FUCK WORK

I want to scream it out loud till these tears away

I came to meeting point at 7.33, 3 mins. late, knowing today wont be a good day, but I dont know that it will be this bad.

Yesterday boss call me angry said about plank i havent purchase and stuff, i had prepared the other purchasing to list details of purchase since then which might be the reason we cant afford the plank. It ends with me not talking about it at all, he cut my words, i was going to confess that we are at fault too, but he is only listening to what he want and what he believe. Not even had half of my words are listened, he said he believe his 20 years followers, then why even bother me to explain?

Pak Sis also said that that guy is sometimes say wrong things to defend himself, he has experienced it himself. I was more convinced after listening to it, but what’s the use if the boss not believing you one bit.

I cried a lot in bathroom, not realizing my eyes went red because of it, it is so bad and so red I need to wash my face multiple times,

I was excited in the morning remembering tomorrow I will be going on trip to Malaysia with Shendy, and this is really a good timing to ruin it all.

I had enough in this company, I’m going to look for another BOSS as soon as I came back from the trip.

I miss mom so much , I want to get hugs, please tell me I’m not wrong, I really want boyfriend right now, so I can lean on him.

I skipped lunch, not even feel like it. my head hurts, my forehead is warm, hot i might as well say,…

18.03.2018

It’s Nathania’s Engagement Day, I came with Michelle as Debby is having an allergy, she can’t come. I met few of her university friend, I was kinda sad and talk to Michelle too, one of them is actually really cute and unexpectedly different with how I judge her by her look. She wore full makeup, black lacey long-sleeve above knees dress, act rather sloppy. She kept taking a glance on me, perhaps trying to get rid of the awkwardness? Sometimes she is offering me to take the food, I replied friendly. I was about to say the same to her tho, but I was to tremble to do it, and the timing always seems off, which led me failure. Natha is very pretty and slimmer today, Robert is the same too, they seems happy. I was so shocked when the MC is talking to me to give a word or two to the couple, I was shocked and I said “I have never been in their date before”  when he ask about how sweet/lovey-dovey they are in their date. All in my table cracks up, but then I was told to give a word for the couple, and I was so confused and shout a bit and after few seconds of silence, I calmed down and give the word of blessing. I kept looking at her but she is busy packing the “gift” and it was kinda sad. When her uni friend does the same, she took glance few times, makes me feel… well.. yeah.. The girl’s BF (I suppose) kept match eye with mine, tho it might be coincidence, i dont like it, idk why it happen.

The event has ended and I met Shendy downstairs, took few pictures and wait for the valley to took my car, theres 4 guys there and Michelle jokingly said to choose one of them, like wth if every guy would fall for me easily, I wont be like this now, hahaha..

I went to tbmo in rungkut then buy some memory card for the cctv and went home after sending Michelle off, right, she also talk about the guy who have crush on her and maybe engagement next year if she does agree, she also talk abt her getting someone interested on her whenever she is on out of town duty. She works too hard btw, Jember and even Samarinda, It must be very tiring.

I went home, tired, and after reading a good fanfic then wash up to go to Galaxy Mall as there is a lucky draw in Timezone, Mum and Dad watch Death Wish which I have watched before with Sis, and I went to wait for the lucky draw.

I see someone cute there, twins, I bet, first time, I was looking on the one with grey shirt, but then he won’t look at me, then the blue one is cute too (well duh, they are twins-_-), I look at him and he caught my eyes, after the lucky draw I went here and there playing games and he is around. Tho nothing happened, (what did I even wish in this age of media).. Well, it’s all good, my parents are done with movie and we ate at the rock, not really good, compared with the first time I ate there, it’s the first for mom tho, we went home, on the way, she mentioned something about dad’s medicine, i said, it doesnt work for me, i didnt feel changes, but she insist otherwise, then one of us hurts (me, idk abt her) she said something that maybe for others is just a nag, but for me it is “distrust”. Well I know Im not that discipline, but hearing the word “you never….” something is hurtful. it should have changed to “you rarely …” something instead. I was so sad and almost lost it while driving, it still hurts.. I kept silent all the night, and play with my phone instead, then goes to sleep, as tomorrow I need to be ready by 7.30 in meeting point.

19.03.2018

Today, I was okay, after yesterday’s not enough rest, because of the fanfic I read called “Forbidden” by gotangels7 in wattpad, and she is awesome, I was about to cry while reading it, it was better than some movies, (talking about the way it brought) although some parts are kept repeating but it brings out the feeling.

I am starting to eat salad again by today, it is good tho. Later I’m gonna do gym.

At work, I was okay and motivied until co-workers misunderstand something and blame me for it, actually it wasn’t .  I warned him after finding out the truth, not taking it out on the group as it makes small things big, then when my manager get to know about it, i was already on bad mood, i kept silent rather than angry, then he mentioned to my colleague that to order it, and i say it wasnt our fault, but then he didnt make it better, it seems still we are the wrong one, i hate it. Why can’t he judge it right? duh

Hope the rest of the day went well.

10.02.2018

sis says about bro’s room that’s gonna move out.

so i went to gm after work, sbucks-ing while open laptop n port hotspot are working on n off while me applying job at hotel as a purchasing, recommended by ce lisa. hope it went well.

combat ✅

dance raw ✅ NOT TODAY BABEEE OMGGG Im loving itttt 💯💯💯 love you bts !! i’m coming !

seduce are hard but doable n good choreo

then went to tp to buy couple dog year shirt but found only for mum n dad (giordano) me n the rest not yet purchased.

then igo with sis’s car as she come right from the work, and when i said something about bro’s room, she is bluntly said that it will be her room. i cant lie n i’d say, I AM FUCKING SURPRISED. as i alr said to mum n dad that i will take the room n they didnt say anything abt sis getting the room. i thought that i am older, and it is the right order for me to get the room, and i asked whether she had alr ask mum or dad, and she bluntly said that she isnt. i was confused n hwangdang-ed abt this, tried to find solution n want to uive her the room but instead i want to leave for s.korea for study. not sure whether it is the right time to say it, but i want to escape to kor for few months, i know its gonna need a big expense, but i want it like real bad. i want to be slimmer too, hiks. it was a good day till the room talk came out. it was quite surprising n saddening.

11.02.2018

it’s ko akien’s wedding day.

went to ce nana’s to get make up n hair done by 12pm

make up went long esp eye make up, it was new experience and i had to held tears in my eyes, it stings! here’s some pic.

that dress i bought at caroline k at TP, quite pretty. costs around 6-800k.

later by the party, me n sis are keeping the hongbao. they hd prepared seat for us three but then the seat was taken, or left only on the corner, narrow n near the grass, thats what my sis said.

i ask to open new table, the EO didnt explain that the 30 booked table are full n just said they need to ask the bride n groom, while we are a close family, i was quite mad. my sis take my words too seriously n ask me to calm down in a not-quite-good-manner n i get angry more too. she is disappearing n mum looking for her, turns out she is in the bathroom. then we explain n got the seat. the eo really unprofessional, about this matter, but at least the female eo attitude is quite okay, she knows we are mad n luckily she is behaving well, n didnt get mad in return. that’s the good thing.

went home, take some pictures with mum’s iph x with portrait mode (see above) n sleep early as tomorrow gonna need to do some geoundbreaking prep.

06.02.2018

In the morning idk why but i was so sad, remembering what has happened yesterday night, i was so sorry to mom and upset with myself why did i act like that, what has they do wrong? I was kinda depressed, i even cried in the car, cried in the office, cried in the toilet as i was so upset. my colleagues didnt come to office, i actually felt better because of that. Latter by the night I listen to RM’s vlive about letting things go (RM live 2017) helps me a lot, that I wasn’t alone and some people even the star experience it too, fortunately I  listened to it now, imagine if I did it later, would I be able to survive? Now I want to hear him more talking about these stuff. I thought tae doing these things better but now I changed my mind.

 

05.02.2018

I was having a normal day (I guess) and went to gym to dance but since Justin wont be around for 2 months, the class was changed to zumba, it was quite fun although there will always a corny moves. The coach, Nanda was a bright girl, she seems very young, perhaps my age or younger. I skipped combat because zumba has killed me, lol. Then I do some cardio for 30 mins while listening to some bts song, when I am done, I told dad that I will be done by 10 pm, took a bath, and finish earlier than i usually do, then i asked dad where is he and he has already on the way, i was surprised and tried to call dad but then the connection wasnt good but dad didnt try to hold the call but he kept on turned it off, i got so mad as i didnt take the elevator as i thought he was  still far, but then he has arrived, i was annoyed and it last till night, its not even a big deal. Arrived at home, I was not having a good expression, I thought that people wont know but mom caught it. I never know mom could knew it, and I explain it while sis is there too, sis said I probably gonna get my period, i said, maybe, but as i explain i was not facing my mom, i am facing the wardrobe as i thought im gonna cry if i do, i am crybaby idk why. huff

by the night, i guess dad does something unpleasant for mom, she is annoyed and i was crying on my bed thinking it was my fault, well it is possible though.

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