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sis says about bro’s room that’s gonna move out.

so i went to gm after work, sbucks-ing while open laptop n port hotspot are working on n off while me applying job at hotel as a purchasing, recommended by ce lisa. hope it went well.

combat ✅

dance raw ✅ NOT TODAY BABEEE OMGGG Im loving itttt 💯💯💯 love you bts !! i’m coming !

seduce are hard but doable n good choreo

then went to tp to buy couple dog year shirt but found only for mum n dad (giordano) me n the rest not yet purchased.

then igo with sis’s car as she come right from the work, and when i said something about bro’s room, she is bluntly said that it will be her room. i cant lie n i’d say, I AM FUCKING SURPRISED. as i alr said to mum n dad that i will take the room n they didnt say anything abt sis getting the room. i thought that i am older, and it is the right order for me to get the room, and i asked whether she had alr ask mum or dad, and she bluntly said that she isnt. i was confused n hwangdang-ed abt this, tried to find solution n want to uive her the room but instead i want to leave for s.korea for study. not sure whether it is the right time to say it, but i want to escape to kor for few months, i know its gonna need a big expense, but i want it like real bad. i want to be slimmer too, hiks. it was a good day till the room talk came out. it was quite surprising n saddening.



it’s ko akien’s wedding day.

went to ce nana’s to get make up n hair done by 12pm

make up went long esp eye make up, it was new experience and i had to held tears in my eyes, it stings! here’s some pic.

that dress i bought at caroline k at TP, quite pretty. costs around 6-800k.

later by the party, me n sis are keeping the hongbao. they hd prepared seat for us three but then the seat was taken, or left only on the corner, narrow n near the grass, thats what my sis said.

i ask to open new table, the EO didnt explain that the 30 booked table are full n just said they need to ask the bride n groom, while we are a close family, i was quite mad. my sis take my words too seriously n ask me to calm down in a not-quite-good-manner n i get angry more too. she is disappearing n mum looking for her, turns out she is in the bathroom. then we explain n got the seat. the eo really unprofessional, about this matter, but at least the female eo attitude is quite okay, she knows we are mad n luckily she is behaving well, n didnt get mad in return. that’s the good thing.

went home, take some pictures with mum’s iph x with portrait mode (see above) n sleep early as tomorrow gonna need to do some geoundbreaking prep.


In the morning idk why but i was so sad, remembering what has happened yesterday night, i was so sorry to mom and upset with myself why did i act like that, what has they do wrong? I was kinda depressed, i even cried in the car, cried in the office, cried in the toilet as i was so upset. my colleagues didnt come to office, i actually felt better because of that. Latter by the night I listen to RM’s vlive about letting things go (RM live 2017) helps me a lot, that I wasn’t alone and some people even the star experience it too, fortunately I  listened to it now, imagine if I did it later, would I be able to survive? Now I want to hear him more talking about these stuff. I thought tae doing these things better but now I changed my mind.



I was having a normal day (I guess) and went to gym to dance but since Justin wont be around for 2 months, the class was changed to zumba, it was quite fun although there will always a corny moves. The coach, Nanda was a bright girl, she seems very young, perhaps my age or younger. I skipped combat because zumba has killed me, lol. Then I do some cardio for 30 mins while listening to some bts song, when I am done, I told dad that I will be done by 10 pm, took a bath, and finish earlier than i usually do, then i asked dad where is he and he has already on the way, i was surprised and tried to call dad but then the connection wasnt good but dad didnt try to hold the call but he kept on turned it off, i got so mad as i didnt take the elevator as i thought he was  still far, but then he has arrived, i was annoyed and it last till night, its not even a big deal. Arrived at home, I was not having a good expression, I thought that people wont know but mom caught it. I never know mom could knew it, and I explain it while sis is there too, sis said I probably gonna get my period, i said, maybe, but as i explain i was not facing my mom, i am facing the wardrobe as i thought im gonna cry if i do, i am crybaby idk why. huff

by the night, i guess dad does something unpleasant for mom, she is annoyed and i was crying on my bed thinking it was my fault, well it is possible though.


hari ini dari les kita pergi ke atom n tp

di atom aku beli tempered baru n ayam korea (jageundak) yg nunggu e lama pol smp aku marah”

di tp aku drop yg lain dulu terus cari parkir sama mama. waktu jalan, mama bilang kalau sekarang uda mau bulan 3, aku tanya, kenapa emgnya kalau bulan 3? trus mama bilang waktunya bonusan. aku langsung mangkel, sebel, kesel, karena yg diomongin bonusan terus. aku jawab dg nada ngga enak trus aku liat mama juga kayak mau nangis n berhenti ngga mau jalan.

inget” itu lagi my heart is aching, why did i answer it that way, why can’t i just make joke of it, or some other way so it doesnt hurts.

i know i am upset as mom never ask how’s my day at work, but she often (maybe not that often but it sticks in my mind so it seems that she does it often) ask about salary rise, bonus and stuff. i was upset because i have it hard but tried to hide it from home.

I’m sorry mom….

that sentence is hard to say


I dont know why things is really bad today. I was like URGGHHHHH so bad at little things.

Was it snowballed from the first even happened in the morning? idk…

By the morning, it was all okay, all good until my boss call me and told me this and that. nag, of course that’s what I think. It ends with me cry a little because things doesnt work like how it should be and how I want it to. So, I was so upset and can’t hold it in front of my boss, of course he thought that I cried because he is angry with me, but I am not, actually I was just upset that things doesnt work like how I want it to, he is misunderstand, but well okay I can understand his point of view with me not explaining a thing to him. that it was because of stress, not him. later, I went to GX to dance but before that I eat salted egg pork that I bought at bazaar in foodcourt, its a bit embarrassing but i didnt do wrong, so i just go with it. after that I drank ice americano and sat in starbucks for like 1.5-2 hours and do some resume. I was nervous that the CD didn’t work as it request to be formatted and after I ask power puff girls group, i end up call the store and they said I can go back to ask it to be put in the CD. I think I need to do it by myself because if I told my worker to do so, things maybe not works well. I want to spend some more time but I need to go to dance as we shoot tip toe today on raw class. my mood has been better since, after I finish the class, I asked the group syalala whether or not they want to go to TP as hoya has not buy one more clothes for the party. but in the end only hoya comes and the rest not, what I mean is, I dont want them to later complain me with the purchase that is not satisfying. i also dont know how the second party will be so I dont know how formal it needs to. i am angry to dad when he said it. i was also so annoyed of couples whom walk TOO slowly and take their time where as people are behind them. i dont mind if the road is big enough for me to pass you, i can understand, but the path is narrow + it used for two way walk. and for those who stopped suddenly just because you are talking n tried to decide what you gonna eat, fuck off, if i was so mad i might just bumped you purposely 👹 omg why did i became so angered of these little things?it was so hot as i carried gym bad + laptop bag which both are heavy. and many people here as it is saturday, it was hot. after dad came, we decide to be in GX as hoya still hasn’t eat, idk, i am mad again. we ate at 369 and the service IS SUPER BAD, I wont come again, like I was ignored, services staff didnt try to help one another, instead they are pointing at the guy whom supposed to come to me, i was like, the place wasnt that big to make you came here THIS SLOW. GOSH.

i hope the rest of the day became better. oh yeah, I came out from the elevator alone and the rest of people whom want to come in just barged like that like I was so mad until I (about to scream) to say, pardon me, of course rudely. sight. bye internet, battery almost dead


i was almost getting hit by a car (box) today on my way to Kaijudan before going to office, i was so mad that he still reverse his car after my brother honk on him and i shout in the end. i was not even 15cm from the car.

otw office with driver, we are hit by motorcycle whom trues to cross the road with high speed, ends up went to police station and end with peace.

went home, suppose to eat rightaway, but because bro ask, he then eat first. and idk why but i hate it everytime he ask me whether i use the car or not. am i being a kid? and esp+usually when he did, dad also wants to use car, but i stopped him today.

i suppose to clean the room but delayed it even after 00:20am the next day and played a game (superstar bts). i was asking sis about the pillow that i think it is mine, she asked me back whether i wanted it but because i focus on the game alr, i said it like “no.” and she gets angry and throw the pillow (it wasnt hard but still pushing it) to my bed. i was like WTF MAN?! i was just playing game n u get fucking sensitive about it?! it made me feel worse because i didnt do anything and she just shut up and get angry. i want to slap her omg, how can i hold this, it makes me comes to this n writes my diary.

i was having fun watching bts on bon voyage season 1 on qdeoks./com and having blast with it, she ruin my day.

My Awkwardness with Guys

Today, I realised again that I am very awkward when I met guys. Apparently I have told my stories with my bestie and she said that I am just can’t grab the chance. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I am clueless myself. I really don’t know how to interact with guys. If I am normal to you, then I guess I am not labelling you as a “guy” but as a “friend”, yep, friendzone.

My bestie said that I am doing well when I talk with my male friends, the one I labelled “friend” and that’s how I should do it to the guy I have interest with. I feel that I am just like a dimwit that I know the answer, but I can’t act that way. Yes, I know, it’s because I am afraid. I am afraid of if I act like usual, will he think that I’m friend zoning him? What if he get the wrong clue? I guess, when it comes to starting to get to know somebody, I am more to the type that wait for the other person to start first, as I am too nervous and afraid that I won’t get the reaction I thought I will get.

I wish, someone just come up to me and bluntly said, “hey, I want to know more about you, would you mind?”

There was one guy, long as I remembered it correctly, whom ask me things like this (similar, but indirectly, he goes right to the questions. not the permission) and I actually liked it. At the same time, it was a brand new experience I never had for a quite while, from a “guy” and it makes me all white (read: blank). I did answer his questions, but immediately backed off, and go to my female friend. Although I am super happy and want to talk more, it’s not even easy to look at his eyes, face, I’m so afraid to let him know. I am afraid of rejection. Well, I don’t even know him for long, not knowing much, but he seems like a good person, a bit childish, somewhat cool, a bit of poser, but that’s all I know and if I confess, it would be 100% rejection.

I used to listen to my friends problem with their boyfriend/people whom had a fling on them and I can easily gives suggestion and determine what kind of thought those people are having. But when it came to my own problems, it all seems like “no way that would works”

I also used to think that I can be cool and confess to the guy I liked, but it turns out I can’t even move an inch. Not even as far as asking him out, a mere normal conversation is hard for me.

I guess physical involvement could be easier done than communicational act? Was it the other way round? Was it that easy too ?

Grandmama’s Restaurant Dining Experience

I was having a late dinner today with my family in Grandmama’s Restaurant during our stay in First World Hotel Malaysia and we encounter a bad service.
First of all, we ordered 3 hakka fried rice, 1 nasi lemak with rendang 1 calamary 1 char kwey tiao.
First of all, nasi lemak comes first then not long after fried rice came too. All of my family member had their food except my grandma (whom ordered char kwey tiao), we all starts eatig thinking her food will come in a minute. 
When our food is half way eaten, I asked the female waiter that I had ordered the food with, she goes to the kitchen and comes out without giving me feedback. Then around 7-10 minutes passed and we asked the male waiter while he is delivering calamary this time. We receive the same response as female waiter before and the situation is, all of us is done with our food (except me, I’m not in the mood since their response was not up to my expectation and my grandma have bad expression already)
I asked again in 7 mins after the last male waiter, this time I asked another female waiter, she go in to the kitchen and didn’t go out for couple of minutes and when she is out, she didn’t intended to go to me and told me what happen and instead walk behind me, Insee that and I stopped her and ask again what happen with my order, she is just hurriedly go her way and reply to me that it was in cooking proceed. 
Like, if it still not in cooking process, they should have a good reason why. I know they are in process but how long again should we wait? Is it 5 minutes or what?
The food taste is actually good, although it’s not good enough that I can receive this kind of treatment. I see two or three other table (includes the one who came and order after me, get their food first (although it wasn’t kwey tiao, but it’s) like fried noodle. Logically, it goes the similar process of cooking, only the ingredients are different, but why they get their food first? 
It’s not that I’m complaining because of a small matter, but feedback to customer is VERY important. Customer won’t ask you if they are willing to wait and they need answer if they asked. And if they already ask you thrice, something must be wrong with you. 
I wish next time I have my food in Grandmama’s Restaurant, I wish the experience will be improved. 

Nasi Lemak with Beef Rendang

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