mystory | don't stop until you proud.


ceha’s world | my experiences

my experiences!


Today, I was okay, after yesterday’s not enough rest, because of the fanfic I read called “Forbidden” by gotangels7 in wattpad, and she is awesome, I was about to cry while reading it, it was better than some movies, (talking about the way it brought) although some parts are kept repeating but it brings out the feeling.

I am starting to eat salad again by today, it is good tho. Later I’m gonna do gym.

At work, I was okay and motivied until co-workers misunderstand something and blame me for it, actually it wasn’t .  I warned him after finding out the truth, not taking it out on the group as it makes small things big, then when my manager get to know about it, i was already on bad mood, i kept silent rather than angry, then he mentioned to my colleague that to order it, and i say it wasnt our fault, but then he didnt make it better, it seems still we are the wrong one, i hate it. Why can’t he judge it right? duh

Hope the rest of the day went well.


My Awkwardness with Guys

Today, I realised again that I am very awkward when I met guys. Apparently I have told my stories with my bestie and she said that I am just can’t grab the chance. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I am clueless myself. I really don’t know how to interact with guys. If I am normal to you, then I guess I am not labelling you as a “guy” but as a “friend”, yep, friendzone.

My bestie said that I am doing well when I talk with my male friends, the one I labelled “friend” and that’s how I should do it to the guy I have interest with. I feel that I am just like a dimwit that I know the answer, but I can’t act that way. Yes, I know, it’s because I am afraid. I am afraid of if I act like usual, will he think that I’m friend zoning him? What if he get the wrong clue? I guess, when it comes to starting to get to know somebody, I am more to the type that wait for the other person to start first, as I am too nervous and afraid that I won’t get the reaction I thought I will get.

I wish, someone just come up to me and bluntly said, “hey, I want to know more about you, would you mind?”

There was one guy, long as I remembered it correctly, whom ask me things like this (similar, but indirectly, he goes right to the questions. not the permission) and I actually liked it. At the same time, it was a brand new experience I never had for a quite while, from a “guy” and it makes me all white (read: blank). I did answer his questions, but immediately backed off, and go to my female friend. Although I am super happy and want to talk more, it’s not even easy to look at his eyes, face, I’m so afraid to let him know. I am afraid of rejection. Well, I don’t even know him for long, not knowing much, but he seems like a good person, a bit childish, somewhat cool, a bit of poser, but that’s all I know and if I confess, it would be 100% rejection.

I used to listen to my friends problem with their boyfriend/people whom had a fling on them and I can easily gives suggestion and determine what kind of thought those people are having. But when it came to my own problems, it all seems like “no way that would works”

I also used to think that I can be cool and confess to the guy I liked, but it turns out I can’t even move an inch. Not even as far as asking him out, a mere normal conversation is hard for me.

I guess physical involvement could be easier done than communicational act? Was it the other way round? Was it that easy too ?

Neighbor Hair Saloon Experience – Smoothing Treatment

It was last time I met my friend and I said that I want to get my hair smoothing treatment and she recommend me a place that her family used to go.

It wasn’t a big one, it called “T*nt*n Saloon” I called by Thursday to make an appointment, and I said I will come by 2PM and I did arrived by  the time. It was crowded, people getting make up done (like a whole bunch of family), getting their hair treatment done. I was not quite welcomed and I said I have made appointment by 2 and we have a short talk about the service I wanted to get and the price. She said it is for 500k idr.

I was quite shocked actually because this is quite a small saloon and they charge price almost the price of the saloon I used to go. I was waiting and ask my friend if the price is okay, she said to bargain to the boss. Actually I didn’t see the boss that time, so I thought the one giving me the price is, although it turns out she is not, in the end I failed to negotiate. I see the boss like three times but every time I tried to talk, she is just away, I doubt she know what I want to talk, so I guess it wasn’t intentional.

I come to back off and wait for the result and I wont EVER come back there and NEVER will recommend to anyone else if the result is not good. I waited 30 minutes and then get my hair shampoo-ed, then dried, then waited another 30 more minutes before it getting started (the liquid thing to be applied on my hair).

When it first applied, I already have a bad feeling. It isn’t the first time I have my hair straightened so I know how they usually do it, actually 2-3 hours is impossible (when I call the staff, they said only takes 2-3 hours, same with when I asked personally at the saloon), I used to sit for 6-8 hours straight to get it perfectly done, but I believed in it anyway, as it was to my friends recommendation. The hair wasn’t divided in a good details, so if she parted some hair, and in that hair group, there is a tangled hair, she wouldn’t bother to make that details right. The way they wash my hair wasn’t good, the shampoo smelled melon-milk-candy, the water smells strange, I get sticky feeling although it wasn’t much. When they drying my hair, I don’t know whether it is the humidity or the hair dryer or whatever, it wasn’t satisfying, I didn’t expect a 500k idr cost will be this bad. Perhaps it was the after effect of the hair washing + drying that is not good caused the tangled hair. So she kept continues the apply of the liquid and only let it sit for 15 minutes (I used to let it sit like 30-45 minutes, get it washed, applied the liquid, let it sit again for the same time) then bring me to get it washed, dried, and viola the process is about to come to an end, I was like, “what?”

It’s the time to get it straightened, my friend told me to get it “vibrate” on the inside so it will last longer, I thought it was some kind of method, not for real, and it turns out to be some kind of very small wave and I regret it again.

When she started to “iron” my hair, I already know I am doomed, I kept staring at her to let her know, I’m gonna get angry if the result wasn’t satisfying. Perhaps she know my stares meaning and give her a frighten. When this comes half ways, she actually blabbering about my hair condition wasn’t very good in the first place (in which she should have told me in the first place so I just not doing this in this saloon, I will look for the one who can handle it). I also remember asking for cheaper liquid thing and she said that without the good quality liquid, my hair won’t be success, well now I’m here already with half-failed-looking-hair.

I kept silent every time she talk, showing my disagreement. She look worried and throwing out more excuse. She said that if it was her senior, she wouldn’t even do this (I MEAN, HELLOOO I didn’t force you to do this if YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE TO) and that the other senior always have her way out even if the hair is bad already in the first place (LIKE I CARE, OMG). There is one guy staff too there and he is the one she talk with, I just kept looking at the hair result and wasn’t satisfied. Last time I see the boss when she is about to go out, she said “hmm, it’s good, continue” and I was like, are you blind?

That female staff continued to say that the one I am looking it to make the wave away, I mean, I never said that! “Smoothing means to make it smooth, untangled, flat and falls perfectly down, you don’t know your job don’t you?” is what I want to say in her face. Her excuse is the result from her frighten, worry, un-confident and LACK OF SKILL.

I was sad actually, but perhaps my friend and family see through me and didn’t say anything bad about it. Although I felt bad, there is one of the office worker who kept touching my hair saying it is good. I am sorry, I am not a model, I am not a doll, I am not used to being touched like that without my permission and I am not even looking at you at that time, I was doing my job, so please be considerate!

I ask the staff, how long would this last, she said until the new hair is growing, and I ask again, I mean the hair that is straightened now, she said forever. And I was just, she is stupid or what? This won’t last forever! Learn your thing please! Then I ask the staff when can I was my hair and she said that I can wash my hair after 3 day, so I do that way, and when I dry it, there is no problem, but when I comb it, here it comes the trouble.

My hair getting stuck, kept getting stuck and I pulling it slowly but what I see in the comb is a nightmare. It’s like a scissor cutting your hair and those hair were stuck in that scissor. Yes, the hair is broken and the worst thing is I didn’t felt hurt a single bit. It means that the hair is so damaged that I couldn’t feel it is broken. I was so sad and angered but nothing I can do now unless condition it as effective as possible.

Be strong my hair ! 😦

01.12.2016 Simply Happy

Today’s work is quite a lot, but strangely it was a good one. I am quite eager to do the job. Although I was busy, it was a good day.

The best one is when this person at gym smile at me and say hi to me, it was the best! I was following her on sosmed until one day I ask her about something and she replied me. Later, she say hi to me and it made my day! She gives off the warm feeling that I’m not sure what is it, but it cheer me up. Like a vitamin!

Anyway, it was a good one yesterday although I skipped half of combat class yesterday. I felt my right rib hurts so I just stop before it goes worse.

Love at the first sight… Conclusion, Delusion?

After that long weekend, I thought of it myself. I think I’m too overact.

Maybe I was in the jungle for a while and I only sees familiar faces around me like family and colleague. Maybe it’s once in a while I see someone by-the-face-that-is-my-type. Maybe I was have some sort of delusion? lol, maybe yeah.

But for right now I have recovered (lol, this wasn’t even a sickness) from that. Now I see that simply as a kid-love-thing. Like you know, when a kid want something so badly but when she still can’t, in the end she will just let it go and find another amusing thing that will makes her excited.

Why did I write the story? May be because I don’t have the braveness to tell my fam or friends directly about it? I’m quite timid, you see. In the end, my friends read the story on my first post and she even post in on our group chat. I was shocked at first as usually there is no traffic on my page and no one even bother to. #thisissosad or maybe, because I want the attention? lol. Everyone is attention seeker actually. It’s just how he/she takes it to the level. We all love to be complimented and it gives good feeling, rewarded feeling, or some sort of it.

This is really the end. Gonna post again when I want it. :p


29.11.16 ‘s Short Escape

This morning, I wasn’t have a good one. It’s actually a simple task that I forget to do and if I actually want to push it through, I can. I suppose to call someone down as the guest have came, but I forget because I was having quite a good convo with them, till the boss come and wonder why the other person haven’t came down. Actually that person used to say that let them be before the boss came and I can use that as an excuse.

Actually I was kinda angry and upset. I want to use that excuse card but I know that that is so wrong and it’s just my fault to forget. This might seems childish, but I learnt from it anyway. I was saddened more by the wordings but later covered up by my cute varies of friend. and a video I watch on Facebook today (it was Australian Program where the contestant will stand in a podium and make a fastest guest, their answers are hilarious).

Then, I ask my friend whether she is free today and she is! I actually want to found a good sandals/shoes at malls and we do the hang out. I actually have been dieting for 2 weeks and now is my third weeks and I was tempted by the dinner offer (in Indonesia, unless they said they gonna treat you food, they usually always mean to pay separate bills) and I do it (I have cheat quite a lot these days, omg). We have the not-quite-infamous-hot-and-cheesy-kfc-chicken and I felt like “I should have had the normal one”.

Anyway, after the dinner, we look for the shoes in Matahari, tried some, the size were not fit enough although never ask for the correct size, mainly 399k idr, very expensive for not-quite-well-known-brand-in-my-opinion, so for now is “pass”. Went to cotton on, nothing much of choice (of sandals/shoes I want). Intended to go to Charles & Keith, no person at all (potential customer I mean), get intimidated and not even come in. We then goes to Zara. What I told her was, welcome to a place of inspiration. She’s ignored me and then she found a noble-looking-jacket there and she tried it on, she looks totally different. The price was 1.399.000 idr. I’d say, that is very expensive. I tried some clothes, it does looks good, but I don’t think I have the freedom to purchase any of that for now. I need to save money for future investment.

After we go out and about to head home, she still can’t get over it (it’s cute). She is one of my best friend and when I’m with her, I can totally be myself. I can let myself out. Of course that doesn’t mean I’m being fake to all other people, I was just being polite. That’s conclude my day and my first online diary, I’ll try to keep it up, especially for a day with some kind of special occasion.

It’s late already, good night.

Love at the first sight… Here it comes, will that be the end, or will that becomes a beginning?

Chapter Six,

So here is the last chapter of the small story.

He went back home (?) by that Friday and I wonder about the Saturday. I come again, knowing it was the last chance (as one of my best friend have her birthday party by Sunday, I won’t be there) to give the notes to him. Actually it have been crumpled so I write on new one.

I come there, excitedly and nervous too. It was the earliest time I have come to the bazaar (lol). I waited, serve the customer, etc. waited again, have dinner, serve the customer. Until I thought, it was already around 7.30 or 8.30 (I really forget), but the sky has become dark already and I thought that he might not appear as he have come the day before. Small thought like “this weren’t even his home so why he have to come everyday?” makes me felt somewhat warm as it shows how stupid I can be. As I was disheartened, I look at the back side of the stall and I see him passing me just like that. He’s come ! with his friends walking to the stage direction. I was excited thinking he will stay late as he have done before. My worries felt lighter and heavier at the same time, it was lighter because he has come and heavier as how should I send the note.

Wait for the right time to have a break from the stall, it’s kinda late already. I see a group of boys were talking together and I thought he was there. BUT, it turns out he’s not there. Who knows maybe that group of boys also not his group of friends. It’s around 9.15-30 already and I was devastated. Checking multiple times like a pathetic person hoping he was on a short walk and then come back.

Well, that’s actually the end. I still remember he’s wearing white shirt that day. #wtfrukiddingme and tadaa, see you when the fate let me see you~

er, actually I have pushing it a bit. On Sunday, my friend and I was having a dinner and I ask her whether she want to go to the bazaar or not just to walk around, but she didn’t want to (of course she don’t know this story) and we go to an empty-quite-creepy-mall that day.

Love at the first sight.. The last Friday.

I have not been able to post recently. I’d be lying if I said that I don’t have a free time, I’m just a little not motivated to tell this story anymore as I know the end already.

Chapter Five.

After that Thursday, it comes Friday (of course). I did think I see  him for maybe five minutes (?), idk. for sure it wasn’t a long one. I wonder why he goes here often. Of course people have their own reason (like my family whom was addicted to Timezone and we go there every single day for 4 years-or-more straight spending more money than the price we got. Of course satisfaction part wasn’t calculated, it can’t! We are all so happy!) and reasons might be different from one to another.

He comes with his family again that day. It’s not too far, but it seems like I realize that he’s there quite late. I was busy serving customer, the sales were quite good that day. After a short time they went back home. I was thinking about this and that. I know it will be very hard to met him again (only the fate knows) and I was thinking to give me my contact and he can contact me if he is interested. Like an old cowboy movie in Texas or those areas in USA. I don’t really talk to my friends about things, I do think I’m too far from that social-society things and I don’t quite know how to start with chit-chat. I’m the type that see my goals and say things directly (or a very very short small talk before goes direct), so I usually say what I need to say, talk to my friends when I need them. I’ll do blog about myself  and perhaps you can understand me more. Back to the topic and thus, I have written it in a small note. Figuring out how to give it to him. When I realize, he is ready to back home.

Time to back up.

Love at the first sight.. the sigh.

Chapter Four

I was kind of doubtful today. It was Thursday and I usually goes to Gym because they have Body Combat class I usually join in but it was also the extended week of the bazaar event (luckily it was extended due to heavy rain in the first week of the event). I was heavily contemplating with my self. I suppose to go to my hometown the next week, so I will also not able to join the class. Beside that, I haven’t been able to work out lately as I takes care of the food stall and have been eating quite a meal since my main job got me stressed badly.

I was contemplating till the last second when I ask mum whether it is okay to go to gym, she is hesitating a bit, since everyone also busy and it’s the day my sis got her only holiday from her 6-day-a-week-job, I can’t ask her to helped out. I decided to help out the food stall. Of course in hope I can see him again too.

I went and help out my cousin. Look around here and there. I tried to give delivery services to the customer who ordered so I can walk around #ithinkiamabitcreepy but in the end he didn’t come. It’s bit disappointing but who can know this kind of thing, isn’t it? Maybe Fate said “not now, dear”.

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