mystory | don't stop until you proud.


hari ini dari les kita pergi ke atom n tp

di atom aku beli tempered baru n ayam korea (jageundak) yg nunggu e lama pol smp aku marah”

di tp aku drop yg lain dulu terus cari parkir sama mama. waktu jalan, mama bilang kalau sekarang uda mau bulan 3, aku tanya, kenapa emgnya kalau bulan 3? trus mama bilang waktunya bonusan. aku langsung mangkel, sebel, kesel, karena yg diomongin bonusan terus. aku jawab dg nada ngga enak trus aku liat mama juga kayak mau nangis n berhenti ngga mau jalan.

inget” itu lagi my heart is aching, why did i answer it that way, why can’t i just make joke of it, or some other way so it doesnt hurts.

i know i am upset as mom never ask how’s my day at work, but she often (maybe not that often but it sticks in my mind so it seems that she does it often) ask about salary rise, bonus and stuff. i was upset because i have it hard but tried to hide it from home.

I’m sorry mom….

that sentence is hard to say



I dont know why things is really bad today. I was like URGGHHHHH so bad at little things.

Was it snowballed from the first even happened in the morning? idk…

By the morning, it was all okay, all good until my boss call me and told me this and that. nag, of course that’s what I think. It ends with me cry a little because things doesnt work like how it should be and how I want it to. So, I was so upset and can’t hold it in front of my boss, of course he thought that I cried because he is angry with me, but I am not, actually I was just upset that things doesnt work like how I want it to, he is misunderstand, but well okay I can understand his point of view with me not explaining a thing to him. that it was because of stress, not him. later, I went to GX to dance but before that I eat salted egg pork that I bought at bazaar in foodcourt, its a bit embarrassing but i didnt do wrong, so i just go with it. after that I drank ice americano and sat in starbucks for like 1.5-2 hours and do some resume. I was nervous that the CD didn’t work as it request to be formatted and after I ask power puff girls group, i end up call the store and they said I can go back to ask it to be put in the CD. I think I need to do it by myself because if I told my worker to do so, things maybe not works well. I want to spend some more time but I need to go to dance as we shoot tip toe today on raw class. my mood has been better since, after I finish the class, I asked the group syalala whether or not they want to go to TP as hoya has not buy one more clothes for the party. but in the end only hoya comes and the rest not, what I mean is, I dont want them to later complain me with the purchase that is not satisfying. i also dont know how the second party will be so I dont know how formal it needs to. i am angry to dad when he said it. i was also so annoyed of couples whom walk TOO slowly and take their time where as people are behind them. i dont mind if the road is big enough for me to pass you, i can understand, but the path is narrow + it used for two way walk. and for those who stopped suddenly just because you are talking n tried to decide what you gonna eat, fuck off, if i was so mad i might just bumped you purposely 👹 omg why did i became so angered of these little things?it was so hot as i carried gym bad + laptop bag which both are heavy. and many people here as it is saturday, it was hot. after dad came, we decide to be in GX as hoya still hasn’t eat, idk, i am mad again. we ate at 369 and the service IS SUPER BAD, I wont come again, like I was ignored, services staff didnt try to help one another, instead they are pointing at the guy whom supposed to come to me, i was like, the place wasnt that big to make you came here THIS SLOW. GOSH.

i hope the rest of the day became better. oh yeah, I came out from the elevator alone and the rest of people whom want to come in just barged like that like I was so mad until I (about to scream) to say, pardon me, of course rudely. sight. bye internet, battery almost dead


i was almost getting hit by a car (box) today on my way to Kaijudan before going to office, i was so mad that he still reverse his car after my brother honk on him and i shout in the end. i was not even 15cm from the car.

otw office with driver, we are hit by motorcycle whom trues to cross the road with high speed, ends up went to police station and end with peace.

went home, suppose to eat rightaway, but because bro ask, he then eat first. and idk why but i hate it everytime he ask me whether i use the car or not. am i being a kid? and esp+usually when he did, dad also wants to use car, but i stopped him today.

i suppose to clean the room but delayed it even after 00:20am the next day and played a game (superstar bts). i was asking sis about the pillow that i think it is mine, she asked me back whether i wanted it but because i focus on the game alr, i said it like “no.” and she gets angry and throw the pillow (it wasnt hard but still pushing it) to my bed. i was like WTF MAN?! i was just playing game n u get fucking sensitive about it?! it made me feel worse because i didnt do anything and she just shut up and get angry. i want to slap her omg, how can i hold this, it makes me comes to this n writes my diary.

i was having fun watching bts on bon voyage season 1 on qdeoks./com and having blast with it, she ruin my day.

My Awkwardness with Guys

Today, I realised again that I am very awkward when I met guys. Apparently I have told my stories with my bestie and she said that I am just can’t grab the chance. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I am clueless myself. I really don’t know how to interact with guys. If I am normal to you, then I guess I am not labelling you as a “guy” but as a “friend”, yep, friendzone.

My bestie said that I am doing well when I talk with my male friends, the one I labelled “friend” and that’s how I should do it to the guy I have interest with. I feel that I am just like a dimwit that I know the answer, but I can’t act that way. Yes, I know, it’s because I am afraid. I am afraid of if I act like usual, will he think that I’m friend zoning him? What if he get the wrong clue? I guess, when it comes to starting to get to know somebody, I am more to the type that wait for the other person to start first, as I am too nervous and afraid that I won’t get the reaction I thought I will get.

I wish, someone just come up to me and bluntly said, “hey, I want to know more about you, would you mind?”

There was one guy, long as I remembered it correctly, whom ask me things like this (similar, but indirectly, he goes right to the questions. not the permission) and I actually liked it. At the same time, it was a brand new experience I never had for a quite while, from a “guy” and it makes me all white (read: blank). I did answer his questions, but immediately backed off, and go to my female friend. Although I am super happy and want to talk more, it’s not even easy to look at his eyes, face, I’m so afraid to let him know. I am afraid of rejection. Well, I don’t even know him for long, not knowing much, but he seems like a good person, a bit childish, somewhat cool, a bit of poser, but that’s all I know and if I confess, it would be 100% rejection.

I used to listen to my friends problem with their boyfriend/people whom had a fling on them and I can easily gives suggestion and determine what kind of thought those people are having. But when it came to my own problems, it all seems like “no way that would works”

I also used to think that I can be cool and confess to the guy I liked, but it turns out I can’t even move an inch. Not even as far as asking him out, a mere normal conversation is hard for me.

I guess physical involvement could be easier done than communicational act? Was it the other way round? Was it that easy too ?

Grandmama’s Restaurant Dining Experience

I was having a late dinner today with my family in Grandmama’s Restaurant during our stay in First World Hotel Malaysia and we encounter a bad service.
First of all, we ordered 3 hakka fried rice, 1 nasi lemak with rendang 1 calamary 1 char kwey tiao.
First of all, nasi lemak comes first then not long after fried rice came too. All of my family member had their food except my grandma (whom ordered char kwey tiao), we all starts eatig thinking her food will come in a minute. 
When our food is half way eaten, I asked the female waiter that I had ordered the food with, she goes to the kitchen and comes out without giving me feedback. Then around 7-10 minutes passed and we asked the male waiter while he is delivering calamary this time. We receive the same response as female waiter before and the situation is, all of us is done with our food (except me, I’m not in the mood since their response was not up to my expectation and my grandma have bad expression already)
I asked again in 7 mins after the last male waiter, this time I asked another female waiter, she go in to the kitchen and didn’t go out for couple of minutes and when she is out, she didn’t intended to go to me and told me what happen and instead walk behind me, Insee that and I stopped her and ask again what happen with my order, she is just hurriedly go her way and reply to me that it was in cooking proceed. 
Like, if it still not in cooking process, they should have a good reason why. I know they are in process but how long again should we wait? Is it 5 minutes or what?
The food taste is actually good, although it’s not good enough that I can receive this kind of treatment. I see two or three other table (includes the one who came and order after me, get their food first (although it wasn’t kwey tiao, but it’s) like fried noodle. Logically, it goes the similar process of cooking, only the ingredients are different, but why they get their food first? 
It’s not that I’m complaining because of a small matter, but feedback to customer is VERY important. Customer won’t ask you if they are willing to wait and they need answer if they asked. And if they already ask you thrice, something must be wrong with you. 
I wish next time I have my food in Grandmama’s Restaurant, I wish the experience will be improved. 

Nasi Lemak with Beef Rendang

Neighbor Hair Saloon Experience – Smoothing Treatment

It was last time I met my friend and I said that I want to get my hair smoothing treatment and she recommend me a place that her family used to go.

It wasn’t a big one, it called “T*nt*n Saloon” I called by Thursday to make an appointment, and I said I will come by 2PM and I did arrived by  the time. It was crowded, people getting make up done (like a whole bunch of family), getting their hair treatment done. I was not quite welcomed and I said I have made appointment by 2 and we have a short talk about the service I wanted to get and the price. She said it is for 500k idr.

I was quite shocked actually because this is quite a small saloon and they charge price almost the price of the saloon I used to go. I was waiting and ask my friend if the price is okay, she said to bargain to the boss. Actually I didn’t see the boss that time, so I thought the one giving me the price is, although it turns out she is not, in the end I failed to negotiate. I see the boss like three times but every time I tried to talk, she is just away, I doubt she know what I want to talk, so I guess it wasn’t intentional.

I come to back off and wait for the result and I wont EVER come back there and NEVER will recommend to anyone else if the result is not good. I waited 30 minutes and then get my hair shampoo-ed, then dried, then waited another 30 more minutes before it getting started (the liquid thing to be applied on my hair).

When it first applied, I already have a bad feeling. It isn’t the first time I have my hair straightened so I know how they usually do it, actually 2-3 hours is impossible (when I call the staff, they said only takes 2-3 hours, same with when I asked personally at the saloon), I used to sit for 6-8 hours straight to get it perfectly done, but I believed in it anyway, as it was to my friends recommendation. The hair wasn’t divided in a good details, so if she parted some hair, and in that hair group, there is a tangled hair, she wouldn’t bother to make that details right. The way they wash my hair wasn’t good, the shampoo smelled melon-milk-candy, the water smells strange, I get sticky feeling although it wasn’t much. When they drying my hair, I don’t know whether it is the humidity or the hair dryer or whatever, it wasn’t satisfying, I didn’t expect a 500k idr cost will be this bad. Perhaps it was the after effect of the hair washing + drying that is not good caused the tangled hair. So she kept continues the apply of the liquid and only let it sit for 15 minutes (I used to let it sit like 30-45 minutes, get it washed, applied the liquid, let it sit again for the same time) then bring me to get it washed, dried, and viola the process is about to come to an end, I was like, “what?”

It’s the time to get it straightened, my friend told me to get it “vibrate” on the inside so it will last longer, I thought it was some kind of method, not for real, and it turns out to be some kind of very small wave and I regret it again.

When she started to “iron” my hair, I already know I am doomed, I kept staring at her to let her know, I’m gonna get angry if the result wasn’t satisfying. Perhaps she know my stares meaning and give her a frighten. When this comes half ways, she actually blabbering about my hair condition wasn’t very good in the first place (in which she should have told me in the first place so I just not doing this in this saloon, I will look for the one who can handle it). I also remember asking for cheaper liquid thing and she said that without the good quality liquid, my hair won’t be success, well now I’m here already with half-failed-looking-hair.

I kept silent every time she talk, showing my disagreement. She look worried and throwing out more excuse. She said that if it was her senior, she wouldn’t even do this (I MEAN, HELLOOO I didn’t force you to do this if YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE TO) and that the other senior always have her way out even if the hair is bad already in the first place (LIKE I CARE, OMG). There is one guy staff too there and he is the one she talk with, I just kept looking at the hair result and wasn’t satisfied. Last time I see the boss when she is about to go out, she said “hmm, it’s good, continue” and I was like, are you blind?

That female staff continued to say that the one I am looking it to make the wave away, I mean, I never said that! “Smoothing means to make it smooth, untangled, flat and falls perfectly down, you don’t know your job don’t you?” is what I want to say in her face. Her excuse is the result from her frighten, worry, un-confident and LACK OF SKILL.

I was sad actually, but perhaps my friend and family see through me and didn’t say anything bad about it. Although I felt bad, there is one of the office worker who kept touching my hair saying it is good. I am sorry, I am not a model, I am not a doll, I am not used to being touched like that without my permission and I am not even looking at you at that time, I was doing my job, so please be considerate!

I ask the staff, how long would this last, she said until the new hair is growing, and I ask again, I mean the hair that is straightened now, she said forever. And I was just, she is stupid or what? This won’t last forever! Learn your thing please! Then I ask the staff when can I was my hair and she said that I can wash my hair after 3 day, so I do that way, and when I dry it, there is no problem, but when I comb it, here it comes the trouble.

My hair getting stuck, kept getting stuck and I pulling it slowly but what I see in the comb is a nightmare. It’s like a scissor cutting your hair and those hair were stuck in that scissor. Yes, the hair is broken and the worst thing is I didn’t felt hurt a single bit. It means that the hair is so damaged that I couldn’t feel it is broken. I was so sad and angered but nothing I can do now unless condition it as effective as possible.

Be strong my hair ! 😦

bucket list

I have just seen something online and I suddenly thought of this bucket list.

When Married:

  • have my friends tell me about me about (in videos):
    • my personalities, the goods and the bads – they have to be blunt!
    • most memorable event they have with me
    • any good traits I should have adapt in the future to be a better person
    • make a promise with me (if wanted)> eg: goes shopping together, get along, etc.
    • congratulation message
    • may be can choose one of above if not possible to do all, but replies only will be done if the friend lists do minimum the first or the second message only.
  • Write a personal request to that, I won’t be the one whom do the video thing, the EO or a willing close friends should do that. I will be writing the request like this: “Hi this is Cindy, I will be having the greatest day of my life by xxx, and to make that day complete, I will need your help. There is no rush nor imposition, read all the things below and decide. In returns, I also want to appreciate your effort too, and I will be sending feedback to them whose do the video for me. I will be very honest and it might takes long, but I wish that could be a memorable experience for us.
  • I will have all that done to all my teachers, school mates, families, summer camp friends, singapore friends, dance club friends, work colleague, and more people I know (in the near future).
  • Might not able to invite everyone, but if they want, they can request a seat, may be for bridal shower or some sort of special event.
  • Let the invitation card be simple, dress code, table, place, RSVP is a must!
  • Bring a name card is a must, drop them, or write their -name, phone number, chat id, ig, address

01.12.2016 Simply Happy

Today’s work is quite a lot, but strangely it was a good one. I am quite eager to do the job. Although I was busy, it was a good day.

The best one is when this person at gym smile at me and say hi to me, it was the best! I was following her on sosmed until one day I ask her about something and she replied me. Later, she say hi to me and it made my day! She gives off the warm feeling that I’m not sure what is it, but it cheer me up. Like a vitamin!

Anyway, it was a good one yesterday although I skipped half of combat class yesterday. I felt my right rib hurts so I just stop before it goes worse.

Love at the first sight… Conclusion, Delusion?

After that long weekend, I thought of it myself. I think I’m too overact.

Maybe I was in the jungle for a while and I only sees familiar faces around me like family and colleague. Maybe it’s once in a while I see someone by-the-face-that-is-my-type. Maybe I was have some sort of delusion? lol, maybe yeah.

But for right now I have recovered (lol, this wasn’t even a sickness) from that. Now I see that simply as a kid-love-thing. Like you know, when a kid want something so badly but when she still can’t, in the end she will just let it go and find another amusing thing that will makes her excited.

Why did I write the story? May be because I don’t have the braveness to tell my fam or friends directly about it? I’m quite timid, you see. In the end, my friends read the story on my first post and she even post in on our group chat. I was shocked at first as usually there is no traffic on my page and no one even bother to. #thisissosad or maybe, because I want the attention? lol. Everyone is attention seeker actually. It’s just how he/she takes it to the level. We all love to be complimented and it gives good feeling, rewarded feeling, or some sort of it.

This is really the end. Gonna post again when I want it. :p


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